Safe, Healthy, and Equitable Relationships

Having a baby can both enrich and challenge relationships. It's a good idea to have some important discussions with your partner, if you have one, prior to and during pregnancy. Here are some example topics:

• Why do we want to have a child?
• Do we share the same values?
• How are we going to handle child care?
• What kind of changes should we anticipate?
• How are we going to adequately manage our household responsibilities?
• How do we build up our support system?
• What kind of boundaries do we want to set with family members?
• How do we ensure both of us are able to continue with an activity we enjoy?
• In what ways could we simplify our lives to prepare for the increased workload and responsibility?

These discussions are so important to have. In many relationships, having a child can intensify household inequity, which can have a negative impact on the overloaded and overwhelmed partner. Here are some important truths to help with mindset:

• All genders are capable of caregiving and managing a household.
• Sleep is essential for everyone, not just for those who are paid for their labor.
• Caregiving and managing a home is essential, hard work that is often undervalued because it is unpaid.
• The mental load is how many people describe the often invisible labor that accompanies more visible tasks. For example, cooking dinner has other related tasks, like meal planning, maintaining an awareness of what’s already in the refrigerator and pantry, knowing what items need purchased, grocery shopping, etc. The mental load often falls to women and mothers in cisgender, heterosexual relationships.
• When both partners have paid jobs, an inequitable distribution of caregiving and household management tasks fall to women and mothers in cisgender, heterosexual relationships.

Check out my blog post that has twelve tips for being a savvy and supportive partner:

🔗 Savvy and Supportive: Twelve Tips for Partners | Navigating Birth and Beyond Blog

I recommend reading it yourself to see what resonates and to guide discussions with your partner. And then make sure to share it with them. If you are in a healthy relationship, your partner will be willing to have these discussions, and you can work together to ensure you are supportive of each other as you go through this major life transition together.

Unfortunately, not all relationships are safe, healthy, and equitable. And abuse can start or get worse during pregnancy. Click the link below to learn more about healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships. 

🔗 Healthy Relationships | National Domestic Violence Hotline

Additional Resources to Explore