Matrescence: A Turbulent Transformation

In this post, we’re going to talk about a word that describes a major life shift, or turbulent transformation, that many of us go through but that we don’t often talk about. And that word is matrescence.

The term, matrescence, is defined as the process of becoming a mother. It was coined in the 1970’s by an American medical anthropologist, named Dana Raphael.

🔗 Matrescence: The Developmental Transition to Motherhood | Psychology Today

When exactly this process begins will differ from person to person. I believe it can begin as early as preconception, when even just the idea of this future little person starts having an effect on decision-making. Or it can begin with a positive pregnancy test or when those first kicks are felt in pregnancy or in the moments when a baby first emerges into the world or during the adoption process. And matrescence doesn’t end at the six week postpartum checkup. It can take years.

This process is a major developmental stage in life, just like adolescence or child becoming adult. These words even sound similar: adolescence, matrescence. Neither transition is quick or easy. And in both cases: Identity transforms. Relationships evolve. Hormones surge. The body changes. Emotions fluctuate.

This quote from Alexandra Sacks, M.D., a reproductive psychiatrist affiliated with the Columbia University Medical Center, highlights an important distinction between these two major life shifts:

“Everyone understands that adolescence is an awkward phase. But during matrescence, people expect you to be happy while you’re losing control over the way you look and feel.”

And on top of that, matrescence comes with some additional stressors. Workload is increasing. Adequate sleep feels unattainable. Priorities shift. There is less time for self-care. You may need to balance these changes with responsibilities at work. Or maybe you end a career or put it on hold, which can be a huge part of that shift in identity. It can feel like the balance in your life is off. Basically, you’re experiencing a major upheaval in your life. The degree to which you experience this will ebb and flow and it varies from person to person. This means there will likely be noticeable differences between partners, which can even lead to resentment.

This quote from Aurelie Athan, a reproductive psychologist at Columbia University, sums it up well:

“It's a holistic change in multiple domains of your life. You're going to feel it perhaps bodily, psychologically. You're going to feel it with your peer groups. You're going to feel it at your job. You're going to feel it in terms of the big philosophical questions.”

Postpartum can be a really challenging time for a lot of people, and it can sometimes be tough to pinpoint exactly why this is. But recognizing that you’re actually going through a major developmental stage can help you through this all-encompassing process.

It can also be helpful just having a word, like matrescence, to describe what you’re doing through, though words can sometimes be limiting. Mothers aren’t the only ones experiencing this major life transition. Patrescence is a similar term that describes the transition that fathers go through. If neither of these terms works for you, that’s ok. There is a lot of very gendered language surrounding pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting that can be very empowering and fitting for some but not for others. 

Part of this process is establishing a new identity, and choosing the words and phrases that work for you is part of it. There are a variety of words in addition to matrescence that might feel more fitting, like transformation, transition, becoming, and process. Choose the words that work for your story.

So, when thinking about postpartum, especially, it’s important to recognize this shift and normalize the ambivalence, or mixed feelings, that many of us experience. The joy that we’re expecting or that’s expected of us will be there. It’s just important to acknowledge that matrescence does not consist of just one emotion and that a wide range of ups and downs is definitely the norm.